Living The Four Agreements
Not too long ago, I came across this amazing book called The Four Agreements written by Don Miguel Ruiz. I saw a video about it, and it immediately caught my attention. The guy in the video spoke passionately about how the book shifted his perspective on so many things he never thought it would. Naturally, I was curious, so I decided to check it out. Looking back, I’d say this book was the real beginning of my self-improvement journey. It completely changed the way I look at life.
Essentially, the author presents four guiding principles, which he calls the “agreements”, that promise to free us from self-imposed beliefs and societal conditioning.
Fortunately, I came across this book when I was doing a lot of self-reflection. I was at a point where things felt a bit… meh (because, let’s be honest, we’ve all been there). I felt like I was going through the motions but not really making the strides I wanted in life. It felt like I had reached a point where growth was calling—the kind of growth that brings discomfort. Yes! The kind that pushes you to break free from old habits and start learning in new ways. This book was exactly what I needed then. It is a hard-to-digest kind of book but also refreshingly straightforward. I like that it’s short and simple—no jargon or overwhelming information, just four clear principles that anyone can understand and start applying immediately.
Let’s dive into them!
1. Be Impeccable with Your Word
This was the first agreement, and it hit me hard. It’s all about being mindful of the power of your words, both when speaking to others and, most importantly, to yourself. Words have the power to create or destroy. Our words reflect our intentions and beliefs, and they can have a profound impact on how we see ourselves and the world around us.
When we speak with integrity and kindness, we reinforce our sense of self-worth and invite positivity into our lives. On the flip side, when we use harsh words or engage in negative self-talk, we begin to accept limiting beliefs and create barriers to our own growth.
It’s about speaking with intention and aligning your words with your values. This isn’t just about avoiding negative self-talk; it also means avoiding gossip and judgment. Engaging in these behaviors isn’t just about others—it reflects your own standards and mindset, revealing how you view yourself and what you’re willing to tolerate in your own life.
Now, back to us—think about how often we say things like, “I can’t do this.” It’s easy to fall into that pattern, but here’s the thing: only say “I can’t” if you truly believe it. And even then, ask yourself, “Is it that I can’t, or is it that I haven’t yet?” What about saying, “I’m growing,” “I’ve got this,” or “I’m figuring it out”? Give it a shot today and see how it feels! Every word we say shapes our reality, so why not make those words ones that help us grow?
2. Do Not Take Things Personally
Oh, this was humbling! It’s about realizing that people’s actions, words, and judgments are a reflection of them, not you. Yes, let go of that grudge you’re holding—whatever that person did had nothing to do with you.
A close friend of mine often reminds me that everything is about perspective, and that perspective shifts in every moment. What others say or do is often a result of their own experiences, battles, and worldview. It’s so easy to take things personally, but when you realize that their behavior reflects where they are in life, not where you are, you begin to see things in a whole new light. It’s not about you, and it never was.
So why carry that weight? Release it, because their actions, words, or opinions belong to them, not you. You have the power to decide what affects you and what doesn’t. Focus on what’s yours—your peace, your growth, your joy. When you let go of the weight of other people’s words, you create space for your own clarity and happiness. Free yourself from the unnecessary burden of someone else’s perspective. It’s liberating, really!
3. Do Not Make Assumptions
It’s easy to fall into the trap of assuming things about others or situations, but this agreement teaches that assumptions often lead to misunderstandings, confusion, and unnecessary conflict. It’s about stepping back and remembering that we don’t always know the full story, and jumping to conclusions can create more harm than good.
We’ve all thought we knew what someone was thinking, or we assumed we understood a situation because we filled in the blanks with our own beliefs and past experiences. But the truth is, we can’t know for sure unless we ask, communicate, and listen carefully.
A relatable example: How many times have you assumed someone was upset with you because they didn’t respond to a message or seemed distant? In reality, they could be dealing with something personal or simply had a busy day. But instead of assuming the worst, we could just ask or communicate openly. This not only saves us from unnecessary stress but also strengthens our relationships.
The key takeaway: embrace clarity and ask questions rather than assuming. Assumptions often create false narratives that only cloud our judgment. It’s a small shift in mindset that can make a huge difference in how we approach life, relationships, and our own inner peace.
4. Always Do Your Best
This is one of the simplest but also the most powerful: Always do your best. It’s not about striving for perfection but about giving your full effort—whatever that looks like on any given day. Your best will vary, and that’s completely okay. What matters is staying committed and doing the best you can in the moment without overburdening yourself with unrealistic expectations.
When you embrace this mindset, you free yourself from the pressure of perfection. You stop beating yourself up over mistakes or missed opportunities because you know you gave everything you could at that time. This sense of acceptance and inner peace makes it easier to keep moving forward with confidence and joy.
So, next time you feel like you’re falling short, remember: Your best is always enough, and you’re on the right path as long as you’re putting in your effort.
Final Thoughts
The four agreements offer a powerful way to live with more intention, clarity, and peace. By speaking thoughtfully, not taking things personally, questioning assumptions, and simply doing your best, you create a foundation for personal growth and resilience. Life isn’t about being perfect but about showing up with authenticity and embracing each day as an opportunity to grow.
I genuinely enjoyed reading this book, and it was a pleasure to reflect on its lessons here. Big props to the author for sharing such insightful wisdom. Writing this piece reminded me of the simplicity and power of these agreements, and I hope they resonate with you as much as they did with me!